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Fashion tips for Women who suck dick from a guy who knows dick about fashion. Before Dic, begin, I should warn you that I know dick about fashion. It's not just a clever title to get your attention, though it's admittedly clever I'm honest enough to admit when something is brilliant, even when it's my own writing.

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You shouldn't read this article if you're Women who suck dick woman with low self-esteem. I don't need my inbox filled with emails from teary-eyed women reaffirming how astute my observations are by shrieking at me for ruining their lives.

Women get away with murder in our society, especially when it comes to the visual pollution they call fashion. So I'm going to do what few people—few men—have ever done by criticizing you.

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Sure, you may be thinking "but Maddox, people dicl women's fashion all the time! This makes you look Women who suck dick I don't whl what this style is called since every retailer comes up with their own "clever" name for it, so I'm just going to call them tit curtains because they look like curtains draped over your tits. You might as well be wearing a burka. It's one giant formless piece of cloth draped around your waist.

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There's a reason pregnant women wear clothes vick this, and it's because it usually looks good on them in lieu of a beekeeper outfit. You're not pregnant, so cut that shit out.

What boggles my mind about tit curtains is that it's becoming trendy, right up there with Castro hats. I don't get it. If I Women who suck dick boobs, the last thing I'd want to Horny wifes Tulsa with them is Wojen them up with curtains, though I'd Women who suck dick eventually cover them Womne curtains when I'd exhausted everything else oil, soap, other boobs, my hands, the lid of a photocopy machine, the mouths of other lesbians, etc.

Quit disrespecting your chest hams. Crocs look like shit and they make your feet smell.

When I see people wearing Crocs, I know immediately that we have nothing in common, and that we could never be friends or have any meaningful kind of relationship. They come in every color imaginable yet look bad with every other Women who suck dick of clothing ever created.

The only thing that goes with Crocs is social ostracism.

To their credit though, Crocs Women who suck dick as an excellent idiot barometer; you can tell a lot about people wearing them. Here are the suggestions Mimbres NM sexy women Crocs: When it comes to shoes, there are usually three deciding factors: Some shoes are cheap and stylish, but poor quality, while others are stylish and durable, but expensive.

Crocs have the rare combination of being expensive, poor quality, and ugly.

It's quite a feat for one shoe to suck Womej bad. People who wear Crocs go on and on about how comfortable they are, and how it's supposedly odor resistant because it's made out of some kind of anti-bacterial foam.

You know what else it's resistant to? Then as if the shoes weren't disgusting enough, Crocs introduced Women who suck dick product called "Crocs butter" that's supposed to restore that illustrious injection-molded sheen to those gaping holes they call shoes: You know that feeling you Blonde tall handsome Luton dunstable looking for same when you're full and Women who suck dick nauseous and you burp and you can taste the partly digested food in the back of your throat?

There isn't a word in the english language to succinctly describe it, but I will hereby refer to it as: Red lipstick makes you look like a clown: There are very few people who look good in red lipstick, and those people usually juggle for a living. I once met a girl who was able to pull it off, euck I let her buy me dinner.

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Later that night she was making out with my wang, when I realized that all that lipstick was rubbing off. So Women who suck dick evacuated my moan-maker from her face hole, took some silverware for my trouble, and snuck out of her tent.

Red lipstick looks horrible on most women, and all men. The bright crimson hue is an unnatural abomination pushed upon your face Looking for pssy to eat cynical cosmetic industry scientists. I'm sure somewhere in a laboratory, two scientists are high-fiving each other, laughing at all the bullshit new names for shades of red they invent. There have been literally thousands of names for the same color of lipstick over the years, yet there are only about 3 shades of red: And I mean that grammatically, and not menstrually, though the context makes sense now that I think about it.

They just make up sucl as they go along, and you idiots keep buying the same three shades of red over and over again: Here are some actual names for shades of red lipstick: You know they're just making shit up when they start using abstract concepts like "love" and "desirable" in the name.

Most of the shades are indiscernible from each other, but women insist that there's a difference. So I went to Revlon's website and took two of these colors Horny at the beach a comparison: Yes, these are Women who suck dick Revlon lipstick colors.

I'm not making this up. Insecure women with boring faces lap this Women who suck dick up scuk they think "hmmm.

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Wjo giant hokey shade of red that isn't even found in nature. Fidel Castro hats were made to be worn by Fidel Castro. Not hipster losers Women who suck dick to look ironic. Unless you have a beard and you led a coup in to establish a Marxist socialist state in Cuba, take it the fuck off. It wouldn't even be so bad if you were Cuban, but you're not.

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You live in a midwestern suburb and you shop at Hollister. Oh yeah, that Watsonville horny wives me of this store I hate called Hollister.

It's Women who suck dick greatest cultural fraud perpetrated upon mankind, and it looks like this: Did you think your Hollister store was unique?

That's because every Hwo store is exactly the same: The store is made to look unique when it's not, so what you think you're seeing is a clothing store, but what you're actually seeing is a lie. Everything in this store is engineered Women who suck dick create a fake image, right down to the way the store smells.

Sweet wife seeking sex tonight Edinburgh that Women who suck dick cologne you smell when you walk by the store is an accident? Women who suck dick marketing dickwad was paid top dollar to make you have an involuntary brand association every time you smell that scent.

Choke it down, dipshits! Self-aggrandizing "hottie" shirts make you look like a bitch: There are two types of girls who buy these shirts: The real problem here is that women who wear these shirts start to believe their own bullshit after a while. The shirt at the top emblazoned with the phrase "you say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing" epitomises this attitude.

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It is a bad thing. Here is my unabridged definition of Women who suck dick A miserable person who sucks all joy and happiness out of life, and makes life a little less worth living by her consistently shitty Women who suck dick. When not complaining, her drama and gossip San chinese sex girl at Denmark fill the void. He or she but usually she refuses to do something with a group, and will forego hanging out with said group unless they're doing something she wants to do.

She will put her interest ahead of others every single time, just for the sake of being a bitch. A bitch hates fun. What you become when you fail at pool, bowling, Quake, english, math, Street Fighter Alpha, etc.

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Having a thankless job Women who suck dick you work lots of overtime without pay while your boss is on vacation. Having to sit in the middle xuck between two people in a car or plane. Being last in line to get cake or ice cream at a party.

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Crying and throwing a tantrum about something nobody gives a shit about, including you. I shouldn't have to pay extra, waaaaaah!

Your ego is usually punctuated with a "hottie" shirt, which makes you slightly less tolerable to be around than children, and slightly more tolerable to be around than a saucer of goat cum. Women who suck dick screams "bitch" like wearing a shirt that says "too hot to care.

Hello, my head oWmen coming out of a giant vagina. Yes, everyone thinks it looks like you have a giant vagina around your neck. It sounds hotter on paper than it Looking for an affair in Ketchikan Alaska is. I'm sure a man invented Women who suck dick style, because it's damn near impossible to think of a combination of heads and vaginas that isn't xuck, but this shirt is proof that even an idea as inherently sukc as giant vaginas and heads coming out of them can be made lame.

I came up with a design similar to this shirt when I was in first grade. My friend and I were drawing new Mega Man characters, and I drew a giant vagina, except in the middle was a giant eye so it kind of looked like a Women who suck dick with a meaty head, and I called him VagEYEna Man. I dixk it to Capcom, but I'm still waiting to hear back from them: Since this article was originally published, I've received a number of submissions from people Women who suck dick had Vageyena Man sightings.

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