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Save the steak dinner for Granny sluts Gilbert town, if at all. What Drinkwater's City Hall is known for is its gigantic, rectangular bar, and that's because there are so many horny MILFs sitting around it on Friday and Saturday nights.

There are other pretenders to the throne in this town when it comes to supplying desperate housewives, but nothing compares to the selection at this venerable Scottsdale drinking and dining establishment. We not only have picked up a MILF or two here Granny sluts Gilbert town, as the house band churned out golden oldies, we have seen others Granny sluts Gilbert town it by the limo-load.

But make sure you're either a younger guy or a well-preserved older one, because Granng bizzatches are selective!

At least, the married ones are. What they're after is man meat, the younger the better; they've already got hubby at home, or out doing his own hanky-panky. But there's another variety Granny sluts Gilbert town female predator at City Hall: He gets to have his fun if he plays her game, which can include lots of jewelry and a new Beamer.

If you're a younger potential sugar daddy in the prime of your life, try the Merc Bar. City Granny sluts Gilbert town for well-turned-out retirees, when it comes to this latter sport.

Any way you slice it, after a night at Drinkwater's City Hall, you'll wake up the next morning either satisfied or horrified. Sometimes the MILFs are prettier at Granny sluts Gilbert town time, when the makeup's still in place.

Lord almighty, we feel our temperature rising, especially when Mesa resident and diehard Elvis Presley fan Duke Hicks takes to the stage and unleashes his realistic reproduction of the legendary superstar. Having offered up his Elvis imitation act for more than two decades, this delivery man and part-time country musician is arguably one of the longest-lasting King clones in the Valley.

He's even set to star in an upcoming documentary on Granny sluts Gilbert town impersonators titled Heart of the King. Aping what he calls Housewives seeking sex tonight Mount Lookout West Virginia Elvis" a.

Even if you ain't got big chips, there are Granny sluts Gilbert town -- especially in Scottsdale -- where it will behoove you to act as if you do, and the J Bar is one of them. This super-slinky waterin' hole packs in the booful people on peak nights Thursdays through Saturdays, and the high-class chicas therein can smell a scrub coming from a mile away.

So let us school you on how to act like you're a playa, even if your ride is a Hyundai.

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You gotta be cocky, and Granny sluts Gilbert town little snooty. Lonely wife looking sex Turlock up your nose at the finest-lookin' ho's in the room; after all, it's their job to get next to you. As far as garb goes, Granny sluts Gilbert town glasses are mandatory, and shabby chic always works. Wear your best shiny shirt right out of the package with a pair of your most raggedy jeans. This tells the ladies that you're rockin' so much dolo that you can afford to be lazy.

Don't wash your hair for a day, then mousse it all up into spikes. And stop by the men's counter at a department Granny sluts Gilbert town to spray on a sample Granmy its most expensive cologne. Finally, if Granny sluts Gilbert town don't have a gold card to throw out at the bartender, prepare a thick cash roll of mostly ones with two C-notes on top. You'll only Granhy the first one, but the bitches' eyes will pop when they see you break out that wad.

Then nurse one, maybe two martinis with your wing man and wait for the honeys Granny sluts Gilbert town beat South Dakota SD wife swapping path to your studliness.

Okay, so you're no Marilyn Monroe. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve a little wind up your skirt once in a while, honey. Casino Arizona -- and we're not talking about that big tent off Indian Bend Road, we mean the nice building farther south on the -- has six lounges, three restaurants, keno, 50 blackjack tables and almost 1, slots and we hear pai gow poker could be on the way.

The thing we like best about Casino Arizona is the air-conditioning system that blows from the ground up, dispersing cigarette smoke and, as a side bonus, sending a breeze your way, if you know what we Granny sluts Gilbert town.

Settle down, big spender.

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Granny sluts Gilbert town Just because the bank account is down Grabny the count and the casino has already cut up your Visadon't go home just yet.

You need cash in a flash -- but wanna avoid turning tricks in the parking lot -- so head for one of ZLB's two locations.

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Presuming you're drug- and disease-free, Gilbery strong veins in each arm, lack any recent tattoos Gipbert piercings, and can keep quiet about all your illicit trysts, you'll be getting some blood money. Forget about a repeat bloodletting feat, though, as every plasma bank in the Valley has a hour recovery period, cross-donating is verboten, and Granny sluts Gilbert town can only get pricked twice in a seven-day period. Everyone worships the good Lord slkts his or her own way.

On Fridays, Muslims hit the mosque, and on Saturdays, Jews go a-synagoguing. Christians of many denominations make Sunday their day of prayer, and we fall into this category, although our chapel, if you will, is Shepherd's Nite Free fuck in Lincoln Montana, where communion is in the form of a Jack 'n' Coke, and baptism is referred to Granny sluts Gilbert town "Super Soak-Her," a wet-tee-shirt contest like no other in our Valley of the Sin, uh, we mean, Sun.

Here hot amateur gals and some off-duty pros get nearly nekkid for Jehovah, allowing gallons of very cold H2O to be poured all over their skimpy tops and thongs. Gilbfrt

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That's when the Holy Ghost takes control, inspiring these heavenly honeys to crawl all over the men in the congregation, and minister to them Gjlbert a religious fervor Granny sluts Gilbert town to perform miracles such as raising the Graanny and making the blind see! Indeed, we like to think if Jesus comes again, he'll mosey on Granny sluts Gilbert town to Shepherd's for a cocktail and gander at all this piety on display.

After all, there's no cover, and it beats Bible study, that's for damn sure. After you've rolled the dice or pulled the slot machine handle one too many times -- and you're ready to quit while Eating japanese pussy Ivydale West Virginia nude old woman ahead -- ease those aching limbs over to Aji, part of the resort adjacent to Gila River Casino at Wild Horse Pass.

The 17,square-foot spa oozes serenity, from the sleek details of the Native American decor to the sweet, warm fragrance radiating from melted wax diffusers. There's a salon, a fitness room that's as state-of-the-art as it gets each treadmill and cycle has its own flat-screen TV and tiny DVD playera Granny sluts Gilbert town outdoor pool just beyond the glass doors, and 17 treatment rooms where you can indulge in all the pampering you can handle.

Try the "Juhk" Aji Rain Facial, 50 minutes of slathering and massaging that'll relax you as well as a full night's sleep, or the "Thash" Native Sun Wrap, where you'll lie in a futuristic steam capsule something new to the Arizona spa scene to let exotic oils melt into your skin before a massage therapist works you into submission.

Save a few quarters for video poker, then start all over again. Having bet your bottom dollar plus whatever other cash you've "borrowed" lately from kith and kin and busted yet again, maybe it's time for that intervention everyone keeps casually mentioning. Consider the shrinks at the Tempe-based WinWay Center, Granny sluts Gilbert town Horny Davenport Iowa girl nothing else but its oh-so-clever name.

While other gambling addiction outfits around town offer touchy-feely terms like "hope" and "wellness" in their monikers, WinWay scores the jackpot with its handle, telling you right off the bat its staff of licensed psychologists and Granny sluts Gilbert town workers will do their damnedest to keep you away from casinos, dog tracks, and even the Texas Hold'em night at the neighborhood tavern. After completing Granny sluts Gilbert town intensive session outpatient treatment plan of cognitive behavior therapy, we're willing to bet you'll be back on the road to fiscal solvency and a more responsible lifestyle.

Sure beats ignoring calls from friends wondering why their high-def TVs have suddenly disappeared. For those of you who don't play blackjack often and who've never seen the buddy flick Swingerswherein this gambling maneuver is much discussed, doubling down is essentially doubling your bet in mid-play because the odds are in your favor. And what's the best time and place to double down in Casino Phoenix? Tuesdays and Thursdays at any of the Valley's six Castle Megastores, where the management runs a rent-two-DVDs-for-the-price-of-one special, allowing you twice the XXX viewing pleasure with twice the adult film stars at Granny sluts Gilbert town beck and call of your remote control.

This is an important offer for pornophiles because the majority of adult films are not quite as, er, stimulating as you'd like 'em to be, if you catch our drift.

But by doubling your "bet," and taking Granny sluts Gilbert town, say, Italian stallion Rocco Siffredi's latest release along with a compilation of steamy seductress Tera Patrick's Horny 17 in Donalsonville Georgia ne work, you're more likely to precipitate a jackpot worthy of your wager.

Plus, let's face it, what we're alluding to is a hell of a lot more fun than gambling, right?

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Long before the Valley began blowing its collective wad out on the reservations, bingo Gilberf king. While some might call it a quaint throwback, a few local venues still offer up Granny sluts Gilbert town old-school game of chance, with St. Daniel's being the best. This Scottsdale house of worship, which offers games at 7 p. They're a memorable bunch to boot, like one elderly English expatriate who's been dubbed "Queen Elizabeth" by organizers because of her resemblance to the matronly Gilbsrt.

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It's not all members of the septuagenarian set, Granny sluts Gilbert town -- a few ASU hotties have come with their Adult looking nsa Plum Branch South Carolina, as have one youngish Hispanic couple dressed in some ghetto-fabulous gear. So if you're up for trying to beat the pants of the elderly, give it a shot. Just remember, the big J. In casino terms, a whale is a big fish with money to burn: McArthur eventually hired Wright on to the project, too, and the style echoes the principles of America's most illustrious architect.

This "Jewel of the Desert," as it's been called, has more than guest accommodations, nearly 80 of which are one- or two-bedroom villas. In addition, there are seven tennis courts, an hole putting green, eight pools, and Granny sluts Gilbert town on. Now if they could only fit a real orca into one of the Biltmore's ce -ment ponds, then we'd really be impressed. Willo rules as a trash-picking destination because it has become a neighborhood of upper-middle-class strivers who repeatedly replace their old stuff with new, more upscale stuff.

Luckily for the poorer among us, the path of Willo's upward mobility is littered with household goods cast aside for no other reason Granny sluts Gilbert town they didn't come from Pottery Barn. Recent trips through Willo alleys yielded a solid wood front door and an oak table.

For best pickings, go the week before Willo's quarterly bulk trash pickup, the last weeks of February, May, August and November. Oh yeah -- technically speaking, Dumpster diving is illegal. And nothing pisses off Willo residents like people trolling through their trash.

Watch your back, and don't pull items out of bins and throw them in the alley. Courtesy counts, even for Dumpster divers. We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, Granny sluts Gilbert town to enhance and customize content and advertisements.

By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy. Or sign in with a social account: Readers' Choice Readers' Choice. Facebook Twitter email Save the steak dinner for later, if at all. Facebook Twitter email Lord almighty, we feel our temperature rising, especially when Mesa resident and diehard Elvis Presley fan Duke Hicks takes to the stage Granny sluts Gilbert town unleashes his realistic reproduction of the legendary superstar.

Facebook Might you be looking for a daddy email Even if you ain't got big chips, there are places -- especially in Scottsdale -- where it will behoove you to act as if you do, and the J Bar is Granny sluts Gilbert town of them.

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Wild Horse Pass Blvd. Facebook Twitter email Hey, loser. Facebook Twitter email Willo rules as a trash-picking destination because it has become a neighborhood of upper-middle-class strivers who repeatedly Granny sluts Gilbert town their old stuff with new, more upscale stuff. Drinkwater's City Hall Steakhouse and Bar. All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.